


Just Listen

by RonRos47



Category: Joan of Arcadia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:26:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28611297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonRos47/pseuds/RonRos47
Summary: Slight trigger warning.I did my best to avoid the details of the sensitive subject but it is implied.





	Just Listen

**Author's Note:**

> Slight trigger warning.
> 
> I did my best to avoid the details of the sensitive subject but it is implied.

Father Ken looked up from his busines of placing books in behind the benches to get ready for church the next day when he looked up and saw Helen Girardi. As usual she got straight to her point.

“Can people see God?” Helen asked.

He was thrown off by her words. “That’s a loaded question,” he answered as it gave him thought to answer.

“Can people see God, yes or no?”

“That’s really not an easy question to answer.”

“I figured as much,” Helen said. 

“Well what kind of seeing are we talking about?”

“I mean like a manifestation of sorts. I’m not talking about ‘oh I see God in like the sky or a tree’ I’m talking about a physical being.”

“Well seeing God in that aspect is quite rare but it could be possible. Can I ask why you’re bringing this up?”

Helen walked over and took a seat. Father Ken sat near her.

“I’ve just having these kind of feelings lately, about Joan.”

“Your daughter?” Helen nodded. “You rarely talk about her.”

“Well that’s because Joan has always been the good kid. She rarely gets into trouble, okay I mean sometimes, but she’s still got this sort of innocence about her. Anyways there’s something that’s been bothering me lately. Last week it was something she said.”

“What did she say?”

“Well she was talking about common threads, I think. She and her boyfriend recently broke up and you know something happened but Joan felt responsible for it. She then mentioned God and I don’t know it kind of didn’t sound like she was throwing my religion at me but almost as if she knew something that she didn’t want to say. Now I’m not saying Joan is actually seeing God because that would be crazy right?”

Father Ken shrugged a little, “I’m not sure if I would use the word ‘crazy’.”

“So you think it’s true?”

“I think God works in ways we can’t understand. He could be manifesting himself to Joan in a way that she believes to be happening. I know you’re still new to the church and to the catechism but one of the many things you have to know is that no matter what is happening it could be as real as us talking.”

“So she is seeing God?”

“Maybe in her own way. God reveals himself differently to each of us. Same God but different aspects. There are many people who have claimed to see God, take Joan of Arc for example. She saw God in a way that changed history. If she hadn’t then we’d be in a different outcome.”

Helen nodded. “Joan mentioned this once back when she was studying for a history test last year. You’re saying she believes the story is true?”

“What I think she believes is irrelevant. If God is coming to her in a way that makes sense to her then you can either accept and embrace it or you don’t, it’s your choice.”

“What about all of the things she does?”

“She’s a teenage kid, of course they’re going to go through phases and learn new hobbies to see what suits them.”

“Okay but I never had to experience this with Kevin or Luke.”

“You should know that not all kids are the same. She’s just trying to find her way and maybe God has something to do with that.”

“But Joan has never been religious, she’s never believed in God.”

“Have you ever stopped to ask?” 

Helen thought it over for a second before smiling and she then stood up. “I’m sorry, I’ve taken up too much of your time but thank you for this though, I do appreciate it.”

Father Ken stood up and smiled back. “Any time and Helen,” said Father Ken as she was getting ready to leave, “I can’t begin to know what it is you’re going through and maybe it’s not my place to understand what’s going on but I do know this, God works in ways that often times make no sense to us. Sometimes the best we can do is interpret his teachings and if God is teaching something to you through your daughter it wouldn’t hurt to listen every once in a while.”

Helen nodded. Though she still hadn’t gotten the direct answers she was looking for at least there was some comfort that she found in Father Ken’s words. She always felt good after talking to him.

*****

A soccer ball nearly hit Joan’s face as she was walking with her friends near the school football field.

“Watch it,” Joan said to him.

“Sorry about that, Joan,” said soccer player God.

Grace looked at the two of them, “dude since when do you know jocks?”

“He’s come into the bookstore a couple of times,” Joan lied.

“Whatever,” said Grace.

“Hey,” said Joan, “I’ll catch up with you guys later.”

The group of three, Grace, Luke, and Adam, all looked at her before Grace simply said, “yeah sure,” as they walked off.

Joan turned back to God. “Another new look,” she said, “what gives? And if this is your way of telling me to play soccer you can just forget it. You know I’m not very coordinated.”

God smiled, “I’m not asking you to join the team.”

“Great then what are you asking this time?”

“There’s a writing club that meets after school.”

“A writer’s club, like where people just write about stuff.”

“Yes. I want you to listen.”

“Listen? How is that possible when it’s writing.”

“Listening goes beyond just listening with your ears, Joan. Writing is a form of expression that can be told another way. Think about it.”

“About listening and writing? I still don’t get it.”

“You will.”

Soccer player God just smiled, took the ball back and walked away with his typical hand wave.

“Hey,” Joan called out, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to even be listening for! Hey!”

The bell rang indicating that Joan was late for class.

*****

“I hate this,” Grace said later during the day. “How are we supposed to write a three thousand or more word essay on the Mexican Revolution by the end of the week?”

Joan looked at her, “wait writing, another writing assignment, that’s due at the end of the week.”

“Uh duh, were you even in class today and what do you mean another writing assignment?”

Joan shook her head, “it’s just that I have this thing after school.”

“Great another thing,” said Grace, “another secret.”

“It’s not like that,” Joan said.

Ever since the night at the ranger station Grace had begun to distance her because she was starting to distrust her. Joan could remember the conversation clearly where Grace said that there was something she was hiding and Joan asked what it was she thought she was hiding. Grace then asked her who had suggested her knitting and accused her of having secrets. Joan had deflected by saying the room was too stuffy even though it really wasn’t.

“Then what’s it like,” Grace asked.

The group which consisted Luke and Adam as well all looked at her as they waited.

“I have to get to class,” Joan said to them as she walked away. On her way she saw soccer God at a locker.

“So,” Adam called out, “I guess we’re not working on that paper tonight?”

Luke shook his head. “Why does she always do that?”

Grace didn’t give a response. Rather she just looked at Joan. Whatever her secret was she was now determined to discover it. Her secret may not have been any of her business in the first place but Joan often had an act of her own to get her nose in other people’s business so why shouldn’t she be able to do the same?

*****

“Miss Girardi,” said Ms. Riley, who was around his thirties and let her students call her Riley but without the ‘Ms.”, said to her, “I didn’t know you were interested in writing.”

“Just trying something new.”

“Well we always welcome new beginners. Go ahead and take a seat anywhere.”

Joan just nodded. She looked around the room and found an empty seat in the middle near a dark skinned girl. She smiled at her. “Nice necklace,” she said pointing at the silver orca whale around her neck. 

“Thanks,” the girl replied.

“I’m Joan.”

“I know.”

“Right, I guess most people do.”

“I’m Ellie.” She shook her head. “I know it doesn’t fit what I look like does it?”

Joan shook her head, “I didn’t say anything.”

“It’s fine. Most people expect me to be white. Whatever.”

“Okay girls,” said Ms. Riley, “whenever you’re done can we please get started?” Once the girls got quiet Ms. Riley went on with her lesson. “Now for those of you who are new here this is not your typical class you have during the week, we’re here to have fun but you will be getting assignments and I expect you all to take this seriously.”

On the board Ms. Riley wrote the words ‘grammar’ and ‘punctuation’. He then crossed them out and then turned to the class. “Who needs these things? You can learn about them in your English classes but here they are irrelevant.”

A student who seemed like a teacher’s-pet raised his hand and asked, “Why?”

“Ah the ‘why’ question,” said Riley. She picked up a book from her desk. ‘Speak’, she said. “Anyone ever heard of this book?” Most of the students shook their heads ‘no’. “Okay, what is wrong with you people, don’t you read for fun?” No one nodded or raised their hand, “no, okay. Well what about ‘Perks of being a Wallflower’? Nothing, that’s fine I guess but you guys need to read more. Anyways both books were written in 1999 and have both become best sellers throughout the years. Now why do I bring these up, because of their writing styles. These styles use a lot of sentence fragmenting in which the writer cuts down their sentences so that they don’t look complete and needs more of an explanation. Here are some examples from both books.”

She began writing sentences quickly, sentence fragments rather, on the board.”

The first she wrote was from ‘Speak’:

I walk home to an empty house. Without a word.

Ms. Riley underlines the second part and then writes the second fragment from ‘Perks of being a Wallflower’:

And my mom was quiet. And that was that.

Ms. Riley turned back to the class and said to them, “now what is the point of all of this, well the point is that this will be your writing assignment. I want you to write me a story, it can be fiction or nonfiction using this kind of style. It can be anywhere between one thousand and five thousand words. You can either do it solo or with a partner, your choice but I want it to be done by the end of the week.”

“You’re serious,” said Joan.

“Is there a problem, Miss Girardi?”

“No, it’s just didn’t think there were actual assignments.”

“Did you not hear a word of what I just said at the beginning?”

“No I did,” said Joan, “I just thought…never mind, I could use another assignment this week anyways.”

“Good,” Ms. Riley said. “Now feel free to get started.”

Joan was hesitant as to what she should do. She looked over and saw that Ellie was pulling out a five-subject notebook. The front of it read, ‘Writing class’. The notebook was nearly full.

“So you write a lot?” 

“Yeah.”

“If that’s for this class or club or whatever how is it your notebook is so full?”

“You’d be surprised at what can be written.”

“Well hey, I’m kind of new to this whole thing so would you mind partnering up?”

“I usually don’t work with partners but I guess it would be okay. It would be kind of different to listen to a different perspective.”

“Listen, right. I could totally use that too. I mean listening goes beyond just listening with your ears, right?”

“Sure I guess that’s one way to look at it.”

“So I have no idea to write about, do you?”

Ellie smiled and said, “a few.”

*****

Joan was busy at the kitchen table with a notebook and a general book. Her parents were busy making dinner, Kevin was at work, and Luke was upstairs studying.

“Is that you’re paper for history,” her mom asked.

“Not exactly,” 

“Not exactly,” said her dad, “what does that mean?”

“I’ll get to it,” said Joan, “there’s just this other assignment I have to do first.”

Her mom walked over and saw the book ‘Speak’ next to Joan.

“You’re reading an actual book?”

“Sort of,” Joan replied, “it’s for my writing class.”

“Which writing class,” said her dad.

“Well not really a class, class, just this writing thing I’m doing after school. Ms. Riley didn’t say we have to check out the book but I did anyways just so it could help me out. The book is kind of depressing but that’s kind of the point of it too.

Her parents looked at each other and her mom looked at her daughter, “since when are you into writing?”

“Since I’m apparently supposed to listen out for stuff.”

Her mom looked at Joan. She was surprised at her words given that Father Ken had pretty much told her the same thing the other day. He’d told her it would be good if she could truly listen to her daughter.

“How exactly are you supposed to listen to writing?” asked her dad.

“Don’t ask me,” said Joan, “I’m just…never mind. Anyways I’ve got this partner, Ellie, who is actually a really good writer and we’re supposed to work on an assignment together. She came up with this idea where we’re both writing part of it and then we’re going to piece it together. It’s kind of cool actually.”

“Sounds good, Joan,” said her mom with a smile, “and it looks like you’re having fun.”

“I am. Who knew I would ever get this excited over an assignment. I mean I know it’s just for an after school thing but still.”

Her dad looked at her, “well do you think you could put down the pen so we could go eat.”

“In a sec,” said Joan, “let me just finish this one sentence. I’ll be at the table in a minute.”

Her parents looked at each other and then back at Joan.

“Okay just don’t take too long,” said her mom.

“I won’t, promise.”

*****

The next day at school Joan was with her friends as usual when she heard her name being called out.

“Hey Joan,” said Ellie.

“Ellie hey,” Joan said with a smile when her new friend came up to her. “Guys this is Ellie.”

The group just nodded.

“So how’s your part of the writing assignment coming,” Ellie asked.

Adam looked at Joan, “so you’re doing the history assignment with someone else?” he asked. “I thought we were working on it together.”

“Oh it’s not for history, which I totally forgot about thanks. No this is for an after school project.”

“So you’re in a writer’s club now, since when are you even into writing anyways?” asked Grace. “What is with you, Girardi?”

“Nothing. I told you I like to try stuff.”

“But why, who tells you to do these things?” she asked.

Joan deflected the question as she had been doing recently and focused on Ellie. “I think it’s coming along good. I’m stuck on one part though.”

“Hey not a problem,” said Ellie. “Maybe we could meet up later and work on it. I mean I know we don’t have our class after school but sometimes Ms. Riley likes to keep the door open in case students want to work on their writing.”

“Okay, yeah sure,” said Joan. 

“Great,” Ellie said to her, “see you then.”

Joan nodded with a smile, “yeah, see ya.”

Once Ellie was gone Joan turned to her friends who were all giving her looks. “What,” she asked.

“Nothing,” Adam said, “I have to go.”

“Me too,” said Luke.

“No,” said Grace, “it’s not nothing.”

“What is your problem?” asked Joan.

The other two guys were looking at them.

“My problem is that you seem to have no trouble getting into anyone’s business but the second someone tries to pry into yours you do exactly just that,” she said pointing in the direction where Ellie had gone.

“Do what?”

“Change the subject. I mean come on that night at the ranger station.”

“What about it?”

“When I said that people who keep secrets keeps people away you deflected and said that the room was stuffy.”

“It was.”

“It was more than that and we both know it. What are you hiding?”

“Does it matter? Even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe me, none of you would.”

From behind Grace’s shoulder Joan saw custodian God. 

“Forget it,” said Joan, “I have to get to class.”

Rather than wait for them to say another word Joan walked towards God.

“Great,” said Joan, “Well that was just great, thank you.”

“You know I don’t interfere like that,” said God.

“Well what am I supposed to do?”

“That’s up to you?”

“Right. Either they keep distrusting me or I tell them and they get me sent back to crazy camp.”

“Or they might believe you.”

“Sure like that’s ever gonna happen.”

“You never know, Joan, sometimes people can surprise you.”

*****

Later after school Joan and Ellie were working on their writing assignment. For the most part it was going well. Joan certainly was no writer but with Ellie’s help it made things easier. After a while Joan’s words began to fit into Ellie’s much like a puzzle. 

They were starting to create a story about two lesbians. One of which was twenty and in college while the other was just seventeen. They had to keep it a secret from everyone, especially given the age difference which made it hard on the both of them. Joan and Ellie still hadn’t come up with names for their characters so they called them A and B. Lesbian A, the high school student, had friends who knew she was gay and that she was seeing someone but Lesbian A never told who it was. Given that she was in college, Lesbian B, got to be whoever she wanted to be so she chose not to be involved with anyone and went along with her sorority sisters who believed she was straight.  
The whole gay issue was a topic that certainly would have been out of Joan’s wheelhouse, not that she had a problem with people being gay, just seeing it in writing was something completely different.

After about a good hour they finally decided to call it a day.

“Not bad,” said Ellie, “you’re getting the hang of it.”

“Yeah,” said Joan, “thanks to you. I’ve never written stories like this before, well at least not unless it was for class.”

Ellie shrugged, “sometimes writing and reading are all I have to do.”

“So you do this just for fun?”

“Of course. Makes the time go by when I’m not doing homework, even then sometimes. I voice my thoughts better. Plus it’s better than…”

“Then what?”

Ellie shook her head. “Never mind. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“See you tomorrow,” Joan said with a smile. 

As Ellie gathered her things a piece of paper slid out from her notebook.

Joan picked it up, “Ellie, wait,” she said, “you forgot…” but Ellie was already gone. 

Joan followed Ellie out into the hallway but she wasn’t even there. Joan decided to look down at the paper and began to read it. Her eyes widened. 

*****

“Joan,” said her mom later that evening as she was working at the table like she had been like the night before. “Joan?”

Joan shook her head, “what? Sorry.”

“I asked how your writing assignment was going?”

Joan looked down at the paper on her right. There were a few new sentences that would eventually connect to the main story but not as much as she had hoped to get done. On her left was a piece of paper that was folded in half. She opened it and began reading it.

“Mom, if you found something that belonged to someone else what would you do?”

“That all depends on what you found.”

“I don’t know because it’s like I was meant to find this but now I’m not sure what to do with it and I know I’m supposed to listen but this seems like more than I can handle and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Joan’s mom looked at her daughter. It was the second time she brought up the subject of listening.

“Well maybe I could help you out.”

Joan shrugged, “I don’t know how but okay.” 

She unfolded the paper and handed it to her mom who began to read. Her mom looked at her.

“It um…” said Joan, “it belongs to Ellie. She dropped it after our lesson. I was going to give it back but she was already gone. Mom, what am I supposed to do?”

*****

Ellie slowly began to wake up. At first she was a little disoriented but when she started to fully wake up she felt that her arms couldn’t move.

“They’re just a precaution,” said Dr. God.

“You must hate me,” Ellie said not being able to look at him.

“I could never hate, Ellie. You’re alive that’s what matters.”

“I guess.”

“It is,” said Joan who stood at the door.

Dr. God looked over at her and nodded. When he left the room, Joan entered.

“Guess I should thank you,” said Ellie.

“I didn’t do anything.”

“Come on, I know it was you who called the cops.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be I guess. I don’t know what’s worse, not being dead or being alive.”

“Hey, don’t say that.”

Ellie semi-deflected the comment. “You know um, after I talked to you and your mom about that paper I knew I had a short window from the time I got home till you did something.”

“You were right. I just wasn’t about to sit by and let you do something to yourself.”

“Why?”

“Because I care about you. I’m serious. I mean look at all the time we spent together. I think I’ve become a better writer because of you.”

“You could still use a little work.”

The two girls laughed.

“Seriously though. Sometimes people just need to listen even if it’s through their writing. I mean it’s like you said, it’s your voice right?”

Ellie nodded. “For so long I tried to ignore this part of me. I thought it would better if life could be the one to end the story rather than me end it myself but then things got too hard and…”

“Hey, you don’t have to explain.”

“Yeah I do. My mom suffers severe depression. She does what she can around but there are days, weeks even when she can barely take care of herself.”

“What about your dad?”

“He travels a lot for his work.”

“So you’re the one who has to take care of your mom.” Ellie nodded, “have you all thought of getting her help?”

“Sure we’ve tried but it always turns out the same. She always comes home after she feels better and then she’s right back to stop taking her pills. I really didn’t want to end up like her.”

“Maybe you’re stronger than she is. You can get through this, Ellie and I’ll always be around if you need me.”

For the first time since their conversation Ellie smiled, “Thanks, Joan.”

“You should get some sleep.”

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“Sure it is. You’ve been through a lot. I’ll come and check on you later okay?”

Ellie just nodded and began to close her eyes.

*****

“Why is it I always see you in the hospital,” Joan said as she walked over to elderly lady God.

“It’s comforting,” she said.

“I totally failed didn’t I?”

“Now what makes you think you failed?”

“Ellie is in here because of me.”

“No, Ellie is alive because of you. That feeling you had right before, you were right to call the police.”

“Yeah but I was too late.”

“Had they gotten there just one minute later Ellie wouldn’t be here. She’s here because of you, Joan.”

“I just should’ve, I should’ve listened better and that’s all my fault.”

“But you did listen. It’s all about common threads remember. You were the one who told your mom about her written piece. Do you know the point of suicide, Joan, not that I like bringing it up.”

“There’s a point?”

“A lot of times people think it’s either selfish or about getting attention. What no one sees, what no one wants to see, is the pain that drives them to that point. Ellie was dealing with a lot more pain than she could bare, a lot more than even she realized. Sometimes the pain is all they know so it’s easier to just let go, it’s easier to just stop living both literally and figuratively. When they’re alive and have that much pain they die inside but it’s when that dying becomes too much that they feel their only way out is by actual physical death. What you’ve done is given her hope.”

“I don’t think she feels hopeful right now.”

“Maybe not but she will. Even in the darkest hours even just a sliver of light can shine through and that’s where hope comes in. It’s when you grab onto that hope that the darkness let’s go a little until more light is finally let in. She has hope now because of you. She sees that despite the pain of living that she has a chance to change things and you helped make that happen. Don’t lose sight of that, Joan.”  
Joan nodded as she had been deeply taking in God’s words. “I should um, I should probably go check on her.”

God smiled at her. “I’m always here, Joan.”

Joan smiled and said, “I know,” and then walked back to Ellie’s room.

*****

As usual the group was walking together in the hall.

“So,” said Grace, “kinda sucks about Ellie doesn’t it? It’s all around school.”

“Of course it is,” said Joan.

“How did you know she would be in trouble like that?”

Joan shook her head. She really did not want to have this conversation right now.

“What does it matter?”

“Don’t you think it’s weird that you of all people knew she was in trouble?”

“It was just a coincidence.”

“Just like all of the other times that have been coincidences?”

“What do you want from me, Grace, really?”

“I’m just trying to understand that’s all.”

“There’s nothing to understand. Ellie was in trouble and that’s all that matters right now. So what if I happened to be there? Do you even have the slightest clue as to if I hadn’t been then there no one would?/ I mean Ellie would be dead right now or do you not see that?” Joan shook her head. “I have to get to history class and ask for an extension on our paper.”

Adam looked at her, “wait you didn’t do it?”

“I’ve kind of been busy, Adam.”

“Right.”

“And after that I have to take our assignment to Ms. Riley and from there I’m going to go see my friend in the hospital again.”

*****

“Mom,” Joan said when she walked into the house later in the evening. Her mom was sitting on the couch.

“Hi, honey,” she said. “How’s Ellie?”

Joan sighed, “Better I guess. I mean she knows she still needs help but I think she’s open to it now.”

“That’s good. It’s lucky that you were there.”

“I wouldn’t call it luck,” Joan said as she went over and took a seat across from her mom.

“What would you call it?”

“Devine intervention,” said Joan, “I’m kidding.”

“Are you though?”

“What do you mean?”

“I was doing some laundry earlier,” said her mom, “and I found this on your dresser.” She picked up an envelope. “After what happened to Ellie, I got concerned.”

Joan just nodded. Inside the envelope was a three page letter, not so much a letter as it was simply thoughts that she wanted to write down.

“I was kind of hoping you would be the one to find it.”

“You were?”

“I didn’t know how to talk about it and after what I learned from Ellie I figured the best thing was to write it all out. I’m glad it was you who found it.”

“You are? So everything you wrote in here about God, everything you’ve experienced because of him…”

“I know it sounds crazy.”

“No honey, it’s not crazy.”

“So you believe me?”

“Yes. Why now though?”

Joan shrugged, “My friends think I’m a freak and Grace keeps asking all of these questions but I can’t answer them because if I’m being real honest, mom, I don’t think I can trust them just yet. I had to tell someone though.”

“Well,” said her mom, “I’m listening.”

Joan smiled and began to tell her story. “It started last year…”

And Joan continued to talk to her mom about God well into the night. It was all a matter of listening no matter which form it took, verbal or written. If one didn’t listen then one wouldn’t know another’s story and every story mattered.


End file.
